Tomorrow will come, sooner or later
by Cayteeeeeee
Summary: SIS FIC! Holland Elizabeth is Sam and Deans 16 year old half sister. She is fun, edgy, and always keeping them on there toes. What happens when she is on the hunt for the women in white in Jericho with her dad, and suddenly he is gone? Will Sam and Dean find her? Will she still be the spry 16 year old they know and love?
1. Chapter 1

Hollands POV

Hi, my name is Holland Elizabeth Winchester. That's right, you read correctly, no you do not need your eyes checked, I am a Winchester. I am Dean and Sam's 16 year old half sister. My dad got some girl pregnant, when I was born CSP called him and I was in his custody. My mom? Never met her, I try to make people believe that it doesn't bother me, but lets be real, it does. I hunt with my brothers and Dad; well I did hunt with my brothers until Sam went to college, my dad freaked. He sends Dean out on hunts on his own. Dean hates it, because him and I were really close. He always promised me he would come back, well until one day, no one came back.

3 months earlier

"Holland, wake up. Your brothers leaving." My dad said. I quickly jumped from the bed, wanting to make sure I was up in time to say goodbye to Dean before his hunt. We always had a ritual to go to breakfast the morning before he left, that way we could talk and say goodbye, more like see you later, we hate goodbyes.

"Ok, give me 10 minutes and ill be ready." I said jumping up.

"Nope, not this time Holland, he has to get going." My dad said in a gruff voice. Dean looked up from his bag, clearly upset about his statement.

"Dad, come on, this is Holland and my thing." Dean said standing up.

"No, you need to be in Illinois by midnight, it's a long drive. I need you on the road now. That is an order." I saw how Deans posture suddenly went into attention. When dad said it was an order, it was an order. Me on the other hand, Im not so easily persuade.

"Dad, you cannot do this, this is something that we always do. If you mess this up, what-what if something happens. It will be your fault, you messed this all up." I yelled at my dad.

"Holland Elizabeth Winchester you will not use that tone with me, you understand. Dean go." He turned to Dean after scolding me. I walked up to him, and hugged him tight.

"Tomorrow will come sooner or later." Dean whispered in my ear, and I finished the sentence.

"And I will always be here waiting." He squeezed tighter as I finished our good luck speech to each other. Dean always said it to me when I was little to make me go to sleep. I had a fear of dying in my sleep because of something that happened when I was 3. So when I would not sleep he said this to me, to remind me that tomorrow is coming shortly. Now we say it to each other when he leaves, knowing that he will come back.

Dean pulled away, and wiped a tear from my eye, kissed my forehead and left.

I turned and glared at my dad.

"Get packed. Were leaving." I scoffted and he glared, our normal ritual.

"Where too?" I asked

"Jericho."

My dad and I traveled in silence; he had me start on research, men going missing mysteriously in Jericho. Once we arrived he put me in the motel room. We studied the deaths and trails for days, finally it was clear. It was the women in white. Once we found this out my dad left, he left, and never came back.

 **OH Johnny boy where did you go? I hope you like this chapter. Let me know what you think! Chapter 2 is going to be 3 months later, when Sam and Dean finally find at least one missing piece to there puzzle, Holland. Stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2- 3 months later

**Had some major motivation to get this chapter out fast. Enjoy!**

3 Months Later: Hollands POV, located at a diner in Jericho

"Riley, you've got orders on 2 and 3 ready to go." The cook yelled to me, I was hiding in the back of the kitchen avoiding going out there, god I hate this job. O, I guess I should catch you up. I still haven't heard from my dad, can't get ahold of Dean, even tried Sam. I had to get a job so I was able to pay for the motel, and I had to make a few adjustments to my applications that way I could actually get a job. They don't really do background checks here, kind of shady I know. Unfortunately I never learned how to make a real fake identity so I was not able to get any fake credit cards. So here I am. I try to work every day because you get one free meal a shift, and because I get paid like nothing all my money goes to my living situation. Im in hell.

I jumped off the table in the back and grabbed the food to head out to my table. I dropped off their food then noticed there were new people in my section. "Awesome." I said under my breath. I noticed it was two males so I adjusted my top to show more cleavage, and planned to use my overly perky voice. I gotta get the tips. I walked over with my head down getting out a pen and paper. Without looking up I introduced myself.

"Hi, my name is Riley, I will be serving you today, can I get you something to drink to get started." I said in an overly high pitch cheery voice. The first one spoke just asking for water, my head still down I scribbled it on my note pad, then the next guy spoke.

"Ill have a coffee. Thanks doll." The voice made my head snap up. It was him, it was Dean.

"Uh-I." I stuttered out, this made both of the boys look up at me. Sam did not notice me, and Dean it took a second for him to recognize me. I had changed a lot in the last 3ish months. My once long dirty blonde hair was black and short. It was a choppy cut that I did myself. He squinted, and then his eyes went as big as saucer.

"Holland?" Dean asked. He stood from the booth, and stepped towards me. I took a step back. This could not be him, I was dreaming, just like all my other nightmares I have been having. Any second now he is going to disappear and I will be alone again.

I looked from Dean to Sam, suddenly the realization of who I was washed over Sammy and he too stood from the booth.

I stuttered some more, trying to find words to say, but instead my breathing started to pick up, and become uneven. I grabbed my chest as it tightened and sank to the floor. Dean wrapped his arms around me and sank down with me, taking my weight. I gasp for air, hoping they would fill my lungs, but nothing, then darkness.

Deans POV:

We sat down in a dumpy diner near a motel, we would check in after we got something to eat. Once we started looking at our menus I saw something out of the corner of my eye, it was our waitress looking down at her note pad, asking us what we wanted to drink, Sam said water, and the more I thought about it I decided to go with a coffee, we had a lot of research to do, and having to get this case solved before Monday when I have to take Sam back for his interview I knew we were crunched for time.

"Ill have a coffee, thanks doll." I said without even looking up. All of a sudden I heard her stutter.

"Uh-I." I looked over to see what was wrong then I saw her face. She looked so familiar. Why did she look so- Then it clicked.

"Holland?" I barley recognized my little sister. Her once long blonde hair, was now short and black, her skin that was once tan in color was now an ashy grey, large dark bags under her eyes, and she was completely skin and bones, but her eyes, her eyes were still the same bright blue spirited eyes I always knew and loved.

I stepped out of the booth, and she took a step away. She was trying to process this all, however I noticed her breathing start to pick up, she started to sink to the floor and I grabbed her going down. Once we got to the dirty diner floor her eyes rolled back and she was out. I knew she had hyperventilated and lost consciousness, she had been known to have panic attacks that were so bad we just had to let her make herself pass out. The first time it happened we took her to the hospital thinking that she was having a heart attack or something.

I picked up her small frame noting the fact that I could feel her ribs through her uniform, and the fact that she was so light. Obviously this place is not well staffed because I was able to walk her out of the diner, no questions asked. I laid her down in the back of the impala and I sat by her head and laid it in on my lap. I stroked her hair looking down at my sister. But there was no doubt in my mind that even though we may have found her, she was truly lost.

Hollands POV:

Slowly I started to come to. I opened my eyes and immediately shut them; the harsh light hurt. I slowly allowed my eyes to adjust, and take notice of the person above me. I had to make sure it was real. I reached my hand up and touched his face, then let out the breath I did not know I was holding in. It was him, it was Dean. Suddenly I broke, I cried, and I cried hard. And I mean not pretty cute cry like you see in the movies, I full on ugly cried. Dean lifted me up and pulled me into a hug.

"Your real, your really here." I said between sobs.

"Yah, I'm here and I am never leaving again, you hear me, never." He said whispering into my ear, I could hear that he was as well getting emotional. We sat like this for a few minutes, until Dean finally spoke. "Sammy you want to drive us over to that motel and get us a room." Dean said while holding out the keys for him.

Sam must have accepted because I heard the car start, not even 2 minutes later we were parked. My head was still buried into Dean's chest. I looked up and told them.

"I have a room here." I said and Dean nodded.

"You think you can walk?" Once again, I nodded. I walked them over to my room and when I reached into my pocket I groaned. My keys were in the locker at work. I turned to look at them.

"Its ok, Ill pick the lock." Sammy said with a smile, reading my jesters clearly. This was the most he had acknowledged me since I ran into them. I smiled back. He looked so different, so happy. He was never happy at home, him and my dad never got a long, and so it was nice to see him genuinely smile. Once he got the lock picked we stepped inside. I felt bad it was a mess.

"Um, sorry." I said rushing into the room and picking up the clothing and garbage that was scattered about the floor and beds. I kept the "do not disturb" sign out because I still had all the research on the case out. Also, we do not trust the maids, ever. I kept going around picking up things, franticly, like piling them in my hands was going to do anything. Suddenly I felt someone grab my shoulders to stop me, involuntarily I flinched.

"Leave it, its ok." Sam said, his voice soft. I put the clothing and garbage down. "I'm going to go get some food for you." He said placing his hand on the side of my head and brushing my hair down. I leaned into his hand, and then he removed it from my face. Then he turned around and left. Dean looked at me, and smiled.

Dean and I now stood in the middle of the hotel room just staring at each other, it was like if either of us looked away, for even a moment the other might disappear. I noticed him looking me up in down, taking in my appearance. I got self-conscious and turned around. "Im, Im going to go shower." I said turning around wrapping my hands around myself. I was not blind; I could see things were bad. I was ugly now. I was to thin, tired, and my skin look like I was dead, I could tell that they noticed this as well. I started to walk to the bathroom until Dean spoke.

"Wait, before you go in there." He said. He walked over and wrapped me into a hug. "Tomorrow will come sooner or later" I chocked out a sob. Hugging him tight, as tight as I could hug him. He waited hugging me until I could speak.

"And I will always be here waiting." I finished finally. He let go of me and I turned around. I stepped into the bathroom and locked the door, and leaned against it. I sat like that for a minute before turning around and taking off my uniform, I looked in the mirror, placing my hands on my stomach. Scars riddled my stomach and back, a constant reminder of the hell this last three months have been, a constant reminder that I am a weak human begin, a constant reminder that I was abandon.

 **Yay! They found her, but what happen to her while they were gone? I got this chapter up as fast as I could because of some awesome motivation for all of you! This story has had a ton of hits, and I GOT MY FIRST REVIEW. I am going to be making up my own stories, as well as writing some of the episodes in, so if you want to add some suggestions let me know! Also if you want stories to come out faster, write a review, favorite, and follow, honestly it inspires me to get things out faster! Thank you lovelies!**


	3. Chapter 3- Missed Birthdays

AN: Here is the new chapter. It kind of jumps around the pilot so bear with me. Please leave a review and let me know if you want me to stay with the seasons, or do you want me to do some originals? Enjoy

Hollands POV:

After spending a good amount of time in the shower I finally got out and got dressed. I quickly examined myself in the mirror before turning to exiting the bathroom, that's when I heard the whispering.

I shoved my head against the door to see if I could hear what they were saying. Sam must have returned while I was showering and I never heard it.

"Man, what are we going to do?" Sam asked Dean.

"We are going to hunt whatever is here, and we are going to get our family back together." Dean stated as if it was obvious.

"Dean, I have to go back to school on Monday for the interview, and I'm not so sure Holland is going to be all for looking for dad, I mean look what he did to her. He left her. She is only 15 years only and he left her." He was right, I was not all for looking for dad, but that was for a later discussion. At this point I decided to make my entrance.

"I'm 16" I stated as I stood in the frame of the door I just opened leading to the bathroom, I looked at them before I walked over to my duffle and threw my uniform in it.

"Wait what?" Dean asked.

"I'm not 15, I'm 16." I said still looking down at the uniform, my birthday had just been a week earlier and I had turned 16, Dean typically was good at remembering these things, but I guess with everything going on he forgot. They were silent for a long moment and I was getting annoyed. "Seriously, you guys, my birthday was a weekish ago, I don't mind you not remembering, but come on, I do know my own age." I looked up realize the silence was not because of confusion, it was because of guilt. Dean shook it off and walked over to my duffle bag pulling out the uniform and looking up at me.

"Riley doesn't need a job anymore." He stated before throwing the uniform in the garbage. I have never felt more relived in my life to see an article of clothing being thrown away. It was then I realized that Dean had cleaned up while I was in the shower. Everything was thrown away and there was a pile of laundry in the corner ready to go to the wash. Also there was food on the table, I had not realized how hungry I was until this point.

Sam followed my gaze and walked over to the bags getting the food out. "Chicken fingers and toast?" He asked knowing that this was my favorite growing up. I shook my head and he walked over and handed me the carton and I sat on the bed and opened it up.

I dove right in, eating probably faster then I should have been. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that both Sam and Dean were looking at me. I looked up, Sam looked concerned and Dean looked sad. I started to get self-conscious so I looked down and put the piece of chicken down. Sensing my uneasiness to this situation Dean tore his eyes away from me and walked over and got his food. He sat next to me and started eating, looking up to Sammy to encourage him to do the same.

We sat in comfortable silence while we all ate, and then Sam and Dean started working on the case. They were going over all the information they had, and what they were looking at all the information about the voice mail from dad, which in all honesty I could care less about. They kept going on and on about this information.

"It's the Woman in White." I finally spoke up.

"Huh." Dean said turning his head and looking at me.

"The Woman in white. Constance Welch, she committed suicide off this bridge, she was giving her kids a bath one night and she left and came back, and they had drowned. She had a hard time with it, and ended up killing herself." I said. They both looked up in shock. "What, I do know how to do research, and I have had a lot of time to myself." I said sheepishly.

After giving the boys the information about the Women and White we went and took care of it, Dean got arrested, I made a fake 911 call to get him out, Sammy got seduced by her to take her home, so he did what he had to. He crashed 'baby' into the house. After she had to confront her kids, she was gone.

Sammy had an interview for Stanford so we had to take him home, however Jess his girlfriend, died that night because of the yellow eyed demon. How did our lives get so messed up?

(That night at a motel)  
Deans POV:

We got a motel with 2 queens, after getting Sammy to go to sleep, and getting Holland food and to sleep I lay down next to her. I just watched her sleep. She looked so venerable, so small, so broken. No, her and Sammy were broken and I was going to fix them. I had to. It is my responsibility. I was starting to drift when I felt Holland start to stir next to me. Her face was contorted in pain.

"Please no." She whimpered. "Please it hurts." She said again. Sweat had started to form on her brow line, and she started to thrash around more. "Please, no, you can't do this." She started to say a little bit louder. I was still sitting on the bed, but I was turned around so I was facing her.

"Holland, come on baby, its just a dream."

"Please don't, please don't." She started to cry now.

"Holland wake up."

"Dean?" Sam asked from the other bed.

"She's having a nightmare." I said not moving my eyes from her, still shaking her shoulders trying to wake her up. Sam got up and walked over next to her side of the bed looking down at her. "Holland" I said louder shaking her. But nothing, she started to thrash uncontrollably now. I sat her up and grabbed her into my arm. She was fighting me off. "Come on baby, wake up, come on, its me, its Dean, wake up." I said while rocking her thrashing body side to side. Finally I heard her suck in air and try to push back from me. I held her out at arms length and her eyes were open wide scanning the room. "You with us?" I asked her. Sheepishly she nodded her head.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She was still trying to get her breathing under control. Sam had walked away and came back with a bottle of water, and a towel to whip off the sweat.

"Nothing to be sorry about." I said bringing her in close to me. She latched onto my shirt and I rocked her there for a little bit. Sam sat the water on the table and the towel next to it. "Go back to bed Sammy, I've got this." He nodded and placed a hand on Holland's head swiping some hair back before kissing the top of her head. Once Sam's head hit the pillow he was out again, that boy could sleep anywhere. Once I heard him snoring I pulled Holland away from me so I could see her face.

"Want to talk about it?" She looked down not making eye contact and shook her head no. "Ok, we will leave it for tonight, but we will talk about this soon." I said to her. She just nodded and lay back down. I grabbed the towel and whipped the sweat off her head and handed her the water. She gratefully accepted chugging a good chunk of it. I followed suit and lay down next to her. Waiting to hear her breathing even out, but that did not come. I looked over and noticed that she was staring at the ceiling. So I wrapped by arm around her and pulled her into my side. She nuzzled up and I kissed her forehead.

"Tomorrow will come sooner or later" I started to say, she nuzzled in closer.

"And I will always be here waiting." She finished, and then we both drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

AN: SO there yall go, another chapter! I will hopefully being getting another one up next week but between school and work, and it being Thanksgiving its going to be a crazy week for me! We are about 4 away from 100 views, which is awesome! I am so happy you like it. Please leave a review, favorite or follow. Also let me know what you think I would love some suggestions on what to do. Next chapter we get to see into a little bit of what has happened that last 3 months..OOOOOOOO


	4. Chapter 4-Bloody Mary

**AN: Hello there lovilies, so my goal today is to get 2 chapters written, obviously this one is up now, the second one will either be up today or later on this week! Just so you are aware I know that I am jumping around a little bit on the episodes. This week it is going to be Bloody Mary and Skins. This was the way I could think of to get you Hollands past a little bit. I will also be doing some originals. Also, this story jumps around a lot. I want to get in what has happened to Holland, so we can really get the show on the road :) Side note; if anyone is interested in Betaing please let me know. This story is doing very well so I would like someone to take a look at it with me in order to give you guys amazing work. Anyway this is the newest chapter! I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: This deals with the mention of rape, thoughts of suicide and self harming, please be aware that they are mentioned, and the self harm goes into slight detailing, please do not read if these are triggers for you.**

 **Disclaimer 2: I do not own any of the original cast or the episodes.**

 **Hollands POV:**

I have been traveling with my brothers for a couple months now; we hunted a Wendigo, a phantom traveler and some other cool things. We have kept it pretty chill. We hunt, hang out, and Dean has dropped the whole having me talk to him about my nightmares, because the fact is, I wont. Anyway, Sam is having nightmares now as well, so I do not want to burden him with my problems. I get limited sleep, but this way, when I haven't slept in a couple days I am so tired that going to sleep is instantaneous and I am so deep into sleep, I don't dream, for the most part.

Anyway, now we are on our way to Toledo Ohio. Sam just woke up from having another nightmare, and I am in the back seat watching as Dean and Sam interact.

"So what's with this case." Dean asked Sam.

"Well, this guy Steven Shoemaker was found dead in his house, and his eyeballs…..liquefied." I shivered a little bit.

"Ew." I said.

Dean smirked into the rearview mirror. I typically stay pretty quiet, so whenever I talk, even when its cause I am mad, or anything he always smiles. He told me its because he misses the sound of my voice. "Took the words right out of my mouth Holl." He says, still looking from the road to the rearview mirror at me. I smiled a little bit. We went on with this case and figured out it was bloody marry.

In a run down motel room:

"So Bloody Mary huh." Dean says to Sam, and Sam just nods his head.

"Yah, so this girl, she dies in from of a mirror, her name is Mary Worthington. She was murdered, and her eyes were removed. So now the spirit of Mary is trapped in these mirrors."

"Ok, so what does she have to do with these deaths."

"Well the story goes that you have to say 'Bloody Mary' in front of the mirror 3 times in the dark. This summons the spirit of Mary, and then if you have ever killed anyone, she kills you." My breathing starts to pick up and I feel light headed. I run into the bathroom and shut the door quick.

Memories start flashing back to me.

 ***In a bar back in Jericho after John leaves Holland** *

I sat in the bar looking around trying to figure out how to make some money, this was before I got the job.

"Hey there pretty thing." I immediately blush before turning around to see a tall, tan boy with beautiful blue eyes, and the darkest black hair. He was gorgeous. I smile and look down at the table. "O, your shy." He says still smiling. "Well let me get you a drink." He walks off to the bar and comes back with two rum and cokes. I never really drink, but I did on occasion with Dean when he would let me. I took a sip and he smiled. "Im Julian by the way." He says to me when he scoots in next to me.

" Sheridan." I say, giving a fake name. "Every calls me Sher." I speak again in a small voice.

"Well Sher, you have to be the most beautiful girl in this room." I smile and blush again. I take another sip of my drink and realize I am starting to get light headed. I look at him and then too the drink and notice something fizzing on the bottom. God, how could I be so stupid. I try to get up to leave the bar and start to stumble.

"Whoo," He said grabbing me tightly around the waist. "You gotta know your limits dear." He says to me, announcing it to the bar so I look like another sloppily drunk girl in the bar. "Lets get you home." He says with a sinister grin. What have I done?

He dragged me to his place, stripped me down, whipped me raw and then took advantage of me. I was awake for the whole thing. Trying so hard to protest as he took away my hope and the one thing that meant the most to me, my purity. By the time he was done he went into the bathroom. I lay there naked, looking down at the stinging wounds all over my body. He kept me there for 3 days, until I got up the strength to find a weapon, and I killed him in his sleep.

 ***Back to the present time** *

While remembering this I had gotten into the shower and started to rub my skin raw, looking down at the scars all over my stomach, and the ones on my wrist, those ones I had placed there. I found the razor, and allowed the cold metal to graze my skin, I did this four times before I stopped and let the blood run clear in the shower. Then I got up and cleaned myself off. There is work to be done.

Once I go out of the shower and got back into the room I grabbed my bracelets from my bags. I typically wear long sleeve shirts, but it was way to hot for that. I wore a shirt that was three quarter sleeve so you could not see the scars on my upper arm from the rape, and then bracelets so you could not see the self inflicted ones on my lower arm towards my hand. Dean was giving me a concerning look, but I put on my face and smiled at him.

"Sorry, needed to clear my head, this blood mary stuff really freaks me out, with the eyes and all." I said quietly. Sam was typing away on his laptop and just nodded along, but Dean smiled at me and nodded.

I finished getting ready and Sam finally spoke.

"So in order to get rid of her, it looks like we need to smash the original mirror."

"How are we going to summon her?" Dean asked.

We sat in silence for a moment, I almost considered speaking up telling them I would do it, however there would be questions.

"Ill do it." Sam finally spoke up, this made Dean frustrated and he slammed his hand on the kitchen table. I jumped from his action, it was so aggressive. I looked down at my hands not wanting to make eye contact.

"Whats that suppose to mean?" Dean asked almost yelling. Sam didn't speak. "Is this about Jess. Sam that was not your fault." He said, and I had to agree, he was blaming himself for something he couldn't control.

"You just have to trust me." Sam said.

"Bullshit. Im not doing this, you are going to tell me now." Dean said. I considered getting up and leaving. The room was getting so small. But I sat in my spot.

"I cant tell you, not now at least. Please." He said. Dean was really mad and he got up and left. I was still looking down at my hands, fiddling with my fingers. I did not even hear Sam get up until he placed his hands over mine.

He squatted down so we were face to face. "Sorry about that Holls." He said. "I know you hate it when we fight. Especially after everything you have been through. I am trying. I can promise you that." I looked up to him and just nodded. He sat down next to me and gave me a hug on my side and started to rock me back and forth. I heard the door open and close and Dean walked over and sat on the other side of me. He placed a hand on my back and started to talk.

"Well if we are going to do this, we do it tonight. You in squirt?" He asked me. Not like I had a choice. I had to go everywhere with one of them, for everything. I nodded and we all go up and started to get ready for tonight.

 ***Few Hours Later** *

"Ok, so we just need to find the one that Mary died in and then we are golden." Dean states as if its going to be easy, until we enter the room and notice a whole bunch of mirrors. "Well this is going to be harder then I expected." He deadpans. Then we see police lights through the mirrors. I look up to him, my eyes wide. "Must have tripped the security, you two deal with this, Ill deal with them. Be careful." He says looking between us and we nod. He hands me his crow bar and we start looking. I was in one room and Sam was in another when I found it. I was going to grab Sam but I knew I could do this.

"Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary." I said while looking in the mirror with my crowbar elevated. Suddenly I felt this agonizing pain in my head and wet liquid started seeping from my eyes.

"You killed him, he just wanted to be loved and you killed him. He just wanted your approval. What did you do?" Mary said to me as I started sinking to the ground. I felt someone grab me and push me back. Still holding my head I heard Mary talk to Sam about Jess, and how she killed her, and how he was dreaming about it for months. What was she talking about? My head was spinning still and I just lay there. I suddenly heard glass smash and Dean asking Sam if he was ok before running up to me. He helped me up and looked at my eyes. I saw Sam's eyes dart to my wrist and I looked down to my bracelets that had moved and you could see the starting of the red line. I brought my arms across my chest when suddenly, the pain in my head started again. Mary was crawling out of the mirror and we were all bleeding from our eyes. Dean thought quickly and showed Mary a mirror, this killed her, and finally this hunt was over. Dean picked me up bridal style; I was just so exhausted from lack of sleep and the emotional crap that happened in this hunt. Suddenly I heard him make a comment about how this had to be 700 years of bad luck.

"Is she ok?" I heard Sam ask as Dean laid me down in the back of the car.

"Yah, she just is really tired." He said to Sam as he shut the door.

"Im not so sure she really is." Sam said.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked.

"She summoned Mary. And I don't know, something just seems wrong with her."

"Well I mean she was abandon by all of us for what 3 months, Sam she has not talked at all about what happened in those months. I'm sure there is more going on then we are aware of, but trust me when I say, I will figure it out and I will not let anything happen to her, or you. Also, now that this is over I want to know what all this was about."

"Dean, you know I trust you, but there are something I just need to keep to myself." Sam said while getting into the car. Dean huffed and we made our way back to the hotel. The whole way all I could think about is how much this case screwed up everything,

 **AN: SO I hope you liked it. I know it was no wear near the same as the episode but I made adjustments for my OC. I hope you still enjoyed it. Next time Sam and Dean figure out what really happened when they were gone. So funny story about this episode I had to share. I watched this episode when it first aired back in like 2005, at the time I was like 11, my sister and I got so scared we swore we would never watch this show again. Now Ive seen every episode multiple times and my favorite episode is Bloody Mary, however my sister is still to scared to watch Supernatural haha. Stay tuned for Skins**


	5. Chapter 5- Skins and The Truth

AN: So this is the episode skins, there is a lot of sappy stuff in this chapter, and I kind of just summarize what happened on the hunt and jump right into the original stuff. I hope you enjoy this one :) Just a heads up as well, between school and work next week I will not have a ton of time to write, so there potentially will be no chapter next week! But I promise if there is not I have not forgotten about you all! It will be coming! So lets begin, friendly reminder I do not own supernatural story or the characters, just Holland and her story. **Also this chapter deals with a lot of heavy emotional stuff, abuse (physical and sexual), also suicidal thoughts, and mentioning of self harm, please do not read if any of these are triggers!**

 **Deans POV:**

We were dealing with a shape shifter, after Sam got that message from an old classmate we came to check it out, I did not think that it was anything, but he was right a shape shifter. And what's even better? It turned into Holland, jumped our asses and now Sam and I are tied to chairs down in a sewer, and where's Holland? No idea.

"Where is she? Where's Holland?" Sam yelled.

"I would not be to concerned about sister dearest, I would be more worried about yourself right about now.

"Where is she you bitch?" I finally said.

"Well now is that anyway to talk to your sister?"

"Your not her." I said harshly.

"Well you see, I have all her thoughts, and man the more I learn about her and your family, the better I feel about where I came from, you all are so screwed up." She said laughing, what did she mean she had all her thoughts. Then she continued. "And man does this girl have issues. First her mommy decided she did not want her, you know that crushes her right? You had a mother and lost her in a fire, her mother chose not to love her. Then Sammy boy left her for college, never even batted an eye. Now daddies gone, and for a long time you were gone Dean. The hell she went through." I looked at her confused, what was she talking about? I knew things were hard but I did not think it was so bad for her. "O, you don't know?" The shape shifter started laughing. "You should really ask her, ask her what it felt like to have her innocents ripped from her, after being abandon. Ask her what it was like when she was beaten, how her flesh felt like it was on fire. Ask her what it is like to feel the razor on her skin. Ask her, ask her." The shape shifter yelled. Finally I got the courage to speak!

"SHUT UP, SHUT THE HELL UP! THIS IS NOT TURE." I finally yelled. This couldn't be true, my baby sister, was just that, the baby. Nothing like this could happen. The shape shfter was just trying to get to us.

After taunting us a little bit more the shifter left and Sam and I untied ourselves. We got out and went to Rebecca's, the shape shifter had switched to me, so we killed it, and then we had to find Holland.

 **Holland's POV:**

It was cold and smelt awful down here. I started to wake up and realized I was alone in the dark, I was sitting in water, shivering.

"Sam? Dean?" I whispered, praying that they were hidden in the dark, but no luck, no one answered me. "Sam! Dean!" I screamed. I continued to scream for what felt like hours and my voice started to get horsed. I started to cry, this could not be how I die, please please find me. I stayed quiet until I heard movement behind me.

"Help me!" I tried to scream but it came out sounding like I smoked a carton of cigarettes a day.

"Holland?" I heard Sam's voice, sounded like an angle, this was the first time in a long time I was actually happy to hear his voice.

"SAMMY!" I said as loud as I could.

"Dean! I found her." He said running behind me to untie me. "Are you ok?" He asked me after untying me and checking me for injuries. I just nodded, tears in my eyes. He grabbed my head and hugged me. "Oh thank god!" He said.

"Sammy," Dean said. Sam lifted me from the hug and Dean looked at me, he must of thought I was unconscious because of the way Sam was holding me. "Oh, Holland Thank God!" He said lifting me up into a hug. He had me wrap my legs around his waist and carried me like a toddler, but I did not care. I was so scared. "Lets get out of her baby girl." He said in a whisper so only I could hear him.

Everything happened so fast, he got me out of the sewer, into the car and to the hotel. We all showered and were sitting in the bed when Sam asked if I would come help him with food. I agreed and we left.

 **Deans POV:**

Sam and I had discussed that he was going to get Holland out of the room and I was going to remove anything remotely sharp that she could hurt herself with, we knew the conversation that we were going to have tonight was going to be tough, and if that shape shifter was telling the truth, we were not going to risk anything. I cleaned out the bathroom, the room, took the weapons bag to the trunk and finally the part I did not want to do, her bag.

I reached in and took everything out looking for any knifes, got to the bottom and nothing, but her makeup bag. I pulled it out and opened it. There was a small piece of metal that looked like it came off of a box cutter hidden in her bag. She must have gotten it from the diner she was working out. I blew out a loud breath; this just confirmed it, that if she was not now, then in the past she was hurting herself. I threw this away in the trash, there was no need for us to keep it, and then put everything back. When it was all in order I texted Sammy we were all clear for them to come back. I mentally prepared myself for the rollercoaster ride this night was going to be.

 **Holland's POV: 2 hours later (This is where the talk of abuse, and self harm comes into play, please stop reading if this is in anyway a trigger for you)**

We had gotten back with the food and we all ate in silence. Dean suggested watching a movie and so they left me pick out what to watch, when it was over Dean reluctantly sat up and motioned for me to follow him to the table where Sam was sitting.

Once I sat down Sam slowly closed his laptop and set it aside. What the hell is going on?

"Holland, you know how we were telling you that we were kidnapped as well by the shape shifter that was posing as you?" I nodded and shuddered at the thought of the shape shifter being me. "Ok, well we found out shape shifters do not just take your look, they literally become you, with all your thoughts and memories." I started to panic, where was this going? Dean must have noticed cause he reached for my hand. I did not know if it was to comfort me or to make sure I did not run off. "Holland the shape shifters said some things and we wanted to talk about them with you." Dean spoke finally.

"Ok." I said, my voice still harsh from the screaming earlier.

"Well, she said that something's had happened in the 3 months we were gone and we would like you to tell us about it." Sam spoke when he noticed Dean could not.

"There's nothing to talk about, you all left, I needed money, I started working. End of story."

"Holland," Dean said looking into my eyes "we know that something happened, that was really bad. I just need you to tell me." I started to panic. Dean stood up and wrapped me into a hug and brought me to the bed. He kept pressure on my body to help with the panic. He always knew how to make them stop if he caught on it time. "Take your time baby girl, we just want to help."

"I-I-I-I-I c-c-c-a-a-a-n-n-n-t." I said stuttering through my words. I looked up to see Sam had sat on the other bed across from us.

"Please, let us help you." Sam said to me. Dean kept rocking me. Finally I nodded. Dean let me go and went and sat next to Sammy. He reached out and grabbed my hand.

"A little while after everyone left, I went to a bar. Some guy bought me a drink and he must have drugged me. How could I be so stupid? Your never suppose to let a stranger buy you a drink." I said torturing myself even more through this conversation. Sam and Dean didn't say anything, I'm sure they did not want to stop me from talking. "Well he uh took me to his apartment, after hauling me out of the bar telling everyone I was some drunk girl who did not know her limits. One we got to his apartment he a like whipped me, on my stomach and back mostly. Then he uh-um- he uh-." I kept stuttering hoping they would stop me, but they did not. So I sucked it up. "He rapped me." I finally said in a whisper. "It took a really long time for the drug to wear off, like 3 days or so, and when it finally did, I uh-I-Oh Dean please don't hate me." I faintly said on the verge of a break down.

"I could never and will never hate you, what did you do though Holland?"

"I killed him." I finally said looking down at my hand that Dean was still holding. I could not look up, I could already tell he was fuming and Sam was giving me he sad puppy dog look. God I wish I could die right now.

"What about after that? The cutting." Sam finally spoke. I shot my head up, I didn't think he really saw the cuts the other day, and then I realized the shape shifter must have confirmed what they were. Oh my gosh, what am I going to say? Well, if we are telling the truth, might as well keep it going.

"Well, after everything happened, I was really numb, I could not feel anything. I thought of killing myself a couple of times." I finally said and Deans grip tighten around my hand. "But when I could not do it, I started to cut myself." I said slowly, disappointed in myself. How could I be so stupid and selfish?

"Are you still cutting yourself?" Sam asked. I couldn't respond. I just looked up into his eyes begging him not to make me answer.

"Holland, just answer the question." Dean said finally.

"Y-y-e-s. But not as much as I used to."

"What triggers it?" Sam asked he seemed to know all the questions to ask.

"I don't really know I guess. Just random things. Like when I'm sad, or scared, or mad, or I remember that night. Or when I think I've disappointed people." Dean stood up and I thought he was going to walk away. Instead he sat next to me. He brought me to his lap and hugged me.

"Never have I ever been more proud of you." He said to me and I started to cry.

"What, why. I'm a failure. I screwed up so much. Why would you ever be proud of me?" I asked between sobs.

"You went through all of that, and you are still here, fighting and kicking ass. Yah, there are a few things we need to work on. You are not going to cut yourself anymore and you are going to talk to Sam or I about what your feeling, we will get you a journal and you can write down your emotions and felling's there as well." He said to me calmly. Sam placed his hand on my knee now nodding along with what Dean was saying.

"But you hate chick flick moments. I'm sure this is killing you right now." I said with a laugh.

"No, what's killing me is the thought of my baby sister thinking so low of herself. What's killing me is that you thought of killing yourself. What's killing me is that I left you, is that you were alone and I was not there." Dean whispered. "And if I'm an ass and you don't want to talk to me, and you don't want to talk to Sam, cause lets be honest he can be grumpy sometimes too." His comments made me giggle and he smiled. "Then we will look at getting you into therapy, get you someone to talk to. And Sam and I talked about it and we are going to go to the doctor and talk about our options with your panic attacks. We want to get you better Holls. I want you to be better." He finally said to me, turning my head to look me in the eyes. "I love you hol doll." He said with a smile.

"I love you too Deanie, and you Sammy." I said looking between them. I felt like I was five years old, however, I did not mind, I felt loved. Sam smiled.

"I love you too Holly."

"Ok, so we are going to need to see you wrists and stuff. I want to make sure nothing is infected." Dean said softly. I froze and tensed up.

"Hey," Sam said, "your ok, we just want to make sure you do not get sick." I nodded and Sam went to get the first aid kit just in case they needed it. Dean sat me on the bed and kneeled in front of me.

"Ok, I know this is going to be hard. But you said where he physically hit you was on your stomach, and back. Are there any scars or anything?" He asked me keeping eye contact and I nodded. "Ok, well, I need you to take off your shirt so we can see them ok?" He asked, I did not want to feel so exposed. So Dean turned around and I took off my shirt and they laid it across my chest. I was wearing a bra, but still was awkward in front of your brother. I told him when I was ready and he turned around.

"SSSS." He hissed looking at the ugly scars lying across my stomach.

"I know, its ugly." I said reassuring him that he was not the only one that thought that.

"Baby girl, you listen to me, you are beautiful, scars and all. They just say that you fought a war and won. And I am so proud of you for that. They just look like they were painful." I nodded and he swiped his thumb under my eye and caught the tear. When Sam walked over he seemed unphased. He was always good at putting on a good face.

"Ok, any of them still hurt?" He asked me. I shook my head no. He still examined them. The scars that went acrossed my stomach, back, and my upper arms. "They are ok. Now Holland, I need to see where you hurt yourself. Is it only on your wrist?" He asked me calmly slowly removing the bracelets that cover my wrist. I nodded; it was the only place that I had cut myself. Dean grabbed my other hand and was holding it. I had my eyes closed.

When Sam was done he had cleaned up the recent cuts and wrapped my wrist up. They let me put back on my shirt and Dean crawled into bed next to me and situated me so I was lying on his stomach.

"Your exhausted, close your eyes and go to sleep baby girl." He said to me. I nodded and he whispered, "Tomorrow will come sooner or later."

"And I will always be here waiting." I said back while he brushed his fingers through my hair, I fell into a dark, dreamless sleep, and I welcomed it.

 **Deans POV:**

Slowly but surely Holland's breathing evened out. I sighed in relief, there was still a lot to cover with her, she had been through so much, too much for a teenage girl to go through.

"So, that went a lot smoother than I thought it would go." Sam spoke up and I looked up and smiled.

"Yah it did. But don't think just because we are worrying about her that I forgot about what you have been through these last couple weeks, losing Jess and the nightmares. I'm here for you man."  
"I appreciate it an all Dean, but I can only handle so much chick flick for one night." Sam said with an honest to God smile. I smiled back and he went and lay down. Hopefully we can get back to how things were. Hopefully we can get back to our definition of normal.

 **AN: I warned you, a LOT of sap in this chapter. And it was really long, so I hope you liked that! But now the boys know. I kind of wanted to get that out of the way early so we could get more into her coping, and talking, and also more supernatural stuff! Well I hope you liked this chapter! Shout out to the amazing reviewers. There is one in particular that has been cheering me on since the first chapter and the is snn7b. Thank you so much for your constant support! It keeps me seriously motivated to write. Follow, Favorite and please review! I honestly want to know what you all are thinking! And I am now open to requests on what you want to see happen! Thanks again! GOODNIGHT! (Its 10 PM here, so not super late but Im exhausted!)**


	6. Chapter 6-Authors Note

AN: QUICK AUTHORS NOTE!

Sorry I hate these too, but I gave you a chapter before I posted this, so I hope that's ok. Also I meant to say it in the chapter but forgot! I have changed the Rating of my story to M. I did this because of all the mature content that we are talking about, and some other things that Im thinking about adding in the future…if Holland ever gets a boyfriend…*wink wink* (JK I cant actually wink)! Anyway wanted to give the readers who have been reading this a heads up! So there it is…ok goodnight…for real this time :)


	7. IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE

Hey all I am putting authors notes up on both my stories! You probably will not get an update on my stories until after Christmas! Im sorry! Between my jobs I work 60 hours next week and I have school and I have to clean and I am stressing out and I have had 2 mental breakdowns and it is just a lot! BUT I AM STILL WRITING! I will be back in a couple of weeks so it is just a VERY VERY SHORT HIATUS! IF you do not hear from me before the New year then message and nag me, I have the memory of a gold fish sometimes :) But just know I love you all and thank you for the support you all have given me! In my short amount of time of writing you all have made me feel so loved! See you all soon!

Happy Holidays!


	8. Ghosts and Panic Attacks?

AN: SURPRISE! Im so stressed with everything I had to take a break and it is currently midnight and updates this story as a stress reliever. So this chapter is going to explain what Holland's "Panic Attacks" actually are. I have to the realization I like fluff, so sorry if you not a huge fan of that but whatever! Love you all! Here is your early Christmas Gift! Merry Christmas!

Hollands POV:

Its been a few weeks sense Dean, Sam and I had our heart to hearts. Sam was currently in the process of finding a doctor that could get us medicine for my depression and anxiety, and Dean had been talking to me a couple times a week. I started writing things down in a journal. Dean would read it when I needed him to. This way if there were things I did not want to say he could read them and realize what was going on. It was all going really good. We were hunting, looking for dad, which why do I care, and just living life.

We are currently on a job with a haunted hospital. Patients have been going missing and they said they have been hearing weird noises, flickering lights, and cold spots. Sam and I decided to check out things with the staff and Dean was going to go talk to one of the families of one of the missing patients.

"Ok, so you two will talk to all the staff, get as much information you can about the history of the hospital. Unfortunately with hospitals there is one major problem, Holland?" He asked me.

"Many people die at hospitals so we have to figure out what the ghost or spirit wants and cross match it with recent deaths." He smiled proudly and me and turned to walk out.

"Be back in 2 hours, if anything goes later text me." He yelled while walking out the door. I smiled and looked over at Sam.

"Well ok cakes, lets get out of here." He said and led me to the car, Dean decided to walk since one I was with Sam, and also because the victims house were five minutes away walking, and the hospital was about 1 hour away if we walked.

Sam's POV:  
After Dean finished quizzing Holland she had a smile on her face. It was so great to see her smiling like this. She keeps having nightmares and her panic attack are getting a little better, however more frequent. When I say better it's more of the fact that she doesn't always pass out because of them. I was hoping while we were at the hospital I could look at getting her seen this week. I just hope we can get her something that will help make her life easier.

Her panic attacks seem to come from out of nowhere I noticed. When she gets startled they happen which makes sense, but they happen just randomly sometimes, which I figure she has sever anxiety then. I wish I could take this from her but I cant. We finally arrive to the hospital and get out.

"So where do we start?" She asks adjusting her skirt; we are posing as some of the hospital owners trying to take care of what is going on with the hospital. Nothing to illegal for her sake.

"Uh, we will start with the doctors, then nurse and see where it leads." She smiles and nods and we walk up to the desk and start asking some questions.

Holland's POV:

Once we get inside I start to feel shaky. Shit, not another panic attack, I'm sure it was just nerves so I had to calm down. We got to the interview with the doctor who recently had his patient disappear out of nowhere.

"Hi, Dr. Morgan, I'm Louis McGillen, and this is Shalien Sullivan, we are owners of the hospital and heard about what is going on and wanted to get some information if you would not mind." Sam says to the Doctor.

"Of course, please take a seat." He motioned us into the hospital and to sit. Well it all started last month, we were having trouble with lights, and kept changing lights and figured we should hire an electrician, he said he heard scratching on the walls down in the basement, however there was no electrical problems. Then about a week ago the disappearances started. Just yesterday my patient was in his room, then the next thing I know he is gone, like that." He said while snapping his fingers. As he is talking I start to feel my chest tighten. Shit, no, please, no, I don't want to feel worthless. I have to get through one hunt. I look over at Sam and he seems to notice I am pale and shaky, he gets up and crotches in front of me and Dr. Morgan follows suit and comes beside Sam. "She ok?" He asks while assessing me.

"She has bad anxiety, I'm thinking she is going to have a panic attack." Sam says to the doctor while holding my hand.

"Shalien, are you aware of your surroundings?" He asks me, my vision and memory are starting to blur.

"W-a-w-w-a-what?" I slur.

He stands up and presses a button and nurses start to flood in.

"Ok, I maybe wrong but I don't think this is a panic attack, she maybe having a Simple Partial Seizure." He said while the world went black.

Sam's POV:

"Wh-at?" I asked stunned as she starts to go limp in the chair.

"Scratch that maybe a complex partial seizure." He says catching her and getting her on the gurney that arrived out of nowhere, oxygen was strapped to her face and she was gone. "Louis, we are going to get her set up on an EEG, I want to see if my theory is right." He says. I am still in shock.

"Seizure?" I ask again. Dr. Morgan places his hand on my shoulder and leads me out of the room towards the room they have Holland set up in. "I gotta call her brother quick." I say quickly knowing I need to call Dean.

The doctor nods and leaves me to go aid to Holland.

The phone rings twice and he picks up, "Watcha got Sammy?"

"You need to get to the hospital." I say quickly with a panic voice.

"Wooo, you all find something so fast?" He asks with a slight laughter in his voice. I quickly explain to him of the events that just occurred.

"Ok, Sammy calm down, I'm coming, I'm coming, we will figure this out, just stay with her. We have a ghost stealing patients, I don't need her being next." I agree with this statement and walk towards the room Holland is in. She now has a hospital gown on, wires attached to her body, oxygen in her nose, and an IV in her arm. The doctor is looking over the computer that is showing what I assume is her brain function.

"Louis, come on in. Her brother on his way?" I nod to him not being able to speak. Dean either ran or stole a car because he was there 15 minutes later. They would not give me any information because I was not family.

"Shaliens brother I presume?" The doctor asks when Dean rushes into the room and right to Holland.

"Yah, uh, Steve. What's going on?"

"Are you ok with me discussing what's going on with your sister in front of him." He said giving a soft smile knowing he has to ask it.

"Yah, he's like her brother. Less attractive or athletic," I smack him in the stomach to get him to stop. "Sorry, yes you can speak in front of him." He says.

"Ok, well I will need to run more tests but I think it is safe to say that you sister has not been having panic attacks rather than seizures. When she spaces out, those are simple partial seizures, when she losses consciousness those are complex partial seizures. From the sounds of it she has them often, so I believe that she may have epilepsy. Typically someone with epilepsy will start to develop more complex seizures they send him or her into convulsions, but maybe we are lucky and she won't have them. Typically if they don't have convulsion-based seizures by 18 they may have a couple in their life but wont happen every time. But sometimes they can go into just gran mal seizures." All this information is to much for me and I know Dean is not responding well either. I look over and Holland starts to wake up. She looks very tired, like she typically does after a panic attack, or I guess seizure.

"Hey cakes." I say to her and grab her hand. She is looking around and Dean comes up next to her and starts to say something and you can visual see her relax. I wish I had this connection but I don't, and I understand why I don't. The doctor leaves and says that she needs to stay for a least the night if not longer to run tests and get her officially diagnosed.

"Ok, what did you find out?" She asks Dean. He looks at her confused. "O come on, we have it perfect now, we are in the hospital, easier to snoop, we are not stopping this hunt now." She says. It makes sense, no we will be here for a while, and we can get away with more looking around. She throws the puppy dog eyes, crap, Deans going to give in.

"Well ok." Dean says with a smile. "We got work to do." He says looking between us.

Well here we go, never a dull moment in the family. Holland is being diagnosed with epilepsy and we are hunting while she is here. This is one crazy family.

AN: So there you go, a little something for yall! So I am going to be up front and say some of my facts maybe off, but its been a long time since I have dealt with this information. I had depression and anxiety and what we thought were panic attacks, and that I was ADHD because I was spacing out, but it turned out to be seizures. I love to add this to Holland because that means it is easier for me to write and more personal! I hope you all don't mind and you like it! Please Review, Follow and Favorite. I would love your feed back! Love to all!


	9. Chapter 9-Teddy Bears and Doctors

AHHH Sorry, shit kind of hit the fan and things just got crazy. With everything going on and I have some serious writers block on my stories, and then I have a new Teen Wolf story I want to write and ugh yah…. BUT IM BACK! I hope you like this chapter :) Love to all…enjoy

Hollands POV:

We had been in the hospital going over what Dean had found out. There were a few of the patients who were fine one minute and when visiting hours would end they would go to sleep and when someone came to check on them…gone. All here for minor procedures or were here for something like I was, a diagnosis. This connection of course through Dean over the edge and demanded that I be moved to a different hospital. It was weird though, I was pretending to be older so I was being treated like an adult, typically because I'm underage I would be put in the pediatric area, but I wasn't, it was weird. This put an even bigger target on my back. So far everyone who had gone missing were in regular care and not any younger.

Sam, Dean and I were researching. They got me a computer and Sam was looking through his computer, while Dean was reading some files. He told the hospital they were going to look into things while I was there in hopes to fix their problems.

"Shalien," the nurse announced while walking into the room, I stared at my computer until Sam nudged me….o yah, that's me. I looked up to her. "We are going to run another test, a brain scan, so I need to get you into the wheel chair." She said and I gave a disgusted looked to the metal wheeling trap….Come on, seriously! I nodded and she and Dean helped me get from the bed to the chair. It really was not that hard. I had had these before, I was never weak, just tired. Non-the less I let them help me. Dean followed and Sam stayed behind to do more research. This part scared me, this is the part where they find out if I am sick, like cancer sick, or sick, like you may have seizures for the rest of your life sick, either way, I was not excited.

The nurse wheeled me into the room with a big machine. A few other doctors were there to watch the scan, I begged for Dean, or Steve as they know him to be able to stay at least in the observation room. They agreed so he could talk to me and calm me down. Luckily everything went without a hitch and they were getting ready to pull me out, that is until everything shut down. I heard scratching on the inside of the machine.

"I need to feel young" a voice said through the walls. "Make me feel young." Then the lights went back on and everyone rushed into the room.

"Are you ok, what happened, check her vitals, lets get her out of here." Everyone started to say rapidly while Dean lifted me up from the table and rushed me out of the room followed by numerous doctors. They got him to place me back into the chair and followed to my room. There was a scurry of doctors that rushed in with me and sat me on my bed hooking up the IV, and checking my vitals. I think I was more scared about the commotion then what just had happened. People kept asking me if I was ok, did I see anything, how many fingers were they holding up. I looked over to Dean and Sam in a desperate cry for help.

"Hey, Doctor people." Dean finally yelled. "GET OUT!" He said to them. Some tried to protest, but most knew there was no point; I was not in any medical danger so they walked out. Once they left Dean and Sam looked at me.

"I heard it." I finally spoke fast.

"What did it say?" Sam asked creeping over and sitting on my bed.

"It said it needed to fell young, and ask me to make it feel young."

"Wait, I've read that somewhere." Dean spoke up.

He walked over and grabbed a pile of papers.

"Mary Ann Whileberg, 104 years old, died of old age. Her family said that her last words work, I need to feel young, make me feel young, then she died." He kept reading, she died a couple of weeks ago."

"When the disappearances started." Sam stated. Dean nooded his head.

"So what, she is going after these people and like sucking there souls to become young? She's dead, why does she need to feel young?" I asked looking between my brothers.

"She's a spirit, I'm sure she doesn't know she is dead, she is making herself feel young cause she thinks she is still alive."  
"Well that's dumb." I said with a smirk. Both my brothers' shook there heads and laughed at me.

"How you doing by the way?" Sam asked looking at me.

"Oh, I'm fine, but miss, I'm going to shut down the machine and lights and make creepy voices is on top of my shit list right now." I said smirking still.

"Well than, lets get started, we gotta take her down.

The doctors came in and our of my room, checking my vitals, telling me that they were looking over the scans and that by tomorrow morning they would know what was going on. This was perfect, tonight we go ghost hunting.

"So she was the oldest patient to ever be treated at this hospital. In memory of her, her daughter donated like this bear or whatever that she made. Its down stairs on display."

"That's gotta be what's keeping her here. Ok, lets go torch that shit."

"Uh, actually we are going to torch that shit…you are our distraction."

"Wait, what?" I said looking between the two. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no….F NO! "I am not causing a scene. I am not going to fake a panic attack." I said looking between them. "Anyway they are seizures." I said. They gave me a look and I knew I was not getting out of this one.

We waited a couple of hours and then they went down stairs, well we all did, I was going to make a scene in the lobby, great. Even more embarrassing. When we got down their Sam and Dean were acting like they were leaving and when they do, I panic, everyone's attentions on me they come back in and burn the bear. Simple.

"Please don't go." I cried as they left. A woman came up to me.

"Honey are you ok?" She asked? I shook my head and thought of things to make me panic, unfortunately I did to good of a job. People swarmed and I saw Sam and Dean grab the bear and go to burn it. Dean winked and then looked at me with concern as I dropped to the floor. Like I said, I did to good of a job, I panicked so much, I triggered a seizure.

1 Hour later.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

"Ugh! Turn off the alarm! I said waking up." I heard a chuckle from Dean and I looked up.

"Morning sunshine, good performance you had there, caused yourself to have another ghost seizure." That's what Dean was calling them because they happened and no one sees them.

Sam stood up, "I'm going to go let the doctor know your awake. He said patting my bed. "Your results came in and they wont tell us, cause you 'legal' so they cant without your permission." I laughed and they rolled there eyes. Minutes later Sam walked in with Dr. Morgan.

"Hello their Shalien. How are you feeling after your other episode?" He asked and I quirked my eyebrow, seriously episode.

"I'm fine just groggy." I said telling the truth and he nodded.

"Well I have some good news and bad news." He said. "The good news is its not a tumor, the bad news is that it is epilepsy. There was something else I noticed on your scan." I sat up now nervous, o god, I'm going to die aren't I? "Well looking at your scans you cant be more than 17 years old." He said lifting his eye brow, and miraculously the hospital is having no more issues with our lights or anything, overnight." He said looking between us.

"Well, I mean." I started to come up with an excuse but he stopped me.

"I know a group of hunters when I see them. I treat a lot of them and keep there files private." We all looked at him in shock. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING AT ALL! "Heres the deal, because you are young your epilepsy could turn into more things, and I can tell that you are dealing with some depression issues, and by the scars you have dealt with self harming issues. I'm giving you all my information and this webcam. Ill be like your traveling physician. We will have you do checks and Ill prescribe medicine and if you feel like you need it we will get you on anti depressants. But first we need to get your epilepsy under control. I am going to put you on some medicine, if she has any episodes you will contact me with this number. It goes to a special cell phone that I always have on. And if you boys need any help do not hesitate to ask."

We all sat there in shock looking between each other. We then talk to him, giving him all our actual information after checking him out with other hunters we knew. Well, there yah go, now were have our own personal doctor, and we finished a hunt. I would say we were all around productive in this hunt.

AN: There ya go! I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review if you enjoyed it and want more. Also leave suggestions of what you want me to write on! Thanks a bunch.


	10. Chapter 10- Therapy session

AN: Sorry it took so long, unfortunately I had a seizure while at work and was holding a glass container and ended up shattering it, so I had to get stitches, but Im back, my hand is sore from the stiches so sorry for any typos, but here is the newest installment. This chapter is just a filler chapter; any suggestions of what case should come next?

Deans POV:

Its been a couple weeks since we got Holland out of the hospital, we stayed at Dr. Morgan's house while we had Holland, and even Sam and I get a full check up. He has a doctor's office in his house stacked with files of other hunters. We were now just all waking up in another hotel on our way to Minnesota for another hunt. We had to get on the road in a couple of hours and I knew I needed to get Holland up to get her a shower and medicated.

She said that I was hovering too much, but I was just being precautious.

[Flash Back]

"Ok, Holland since you are under aged I am going to have your brothers come in with us during your full check up." Dr. Morgan said. His real name is Julian, however, calling him that was weird to us.

"He checked her weight, her height, everything that comes with a check up. There were a few things he did not have to check being that she was just in the hospital.

"Ok, so we are going to put you on VIMPAT for the seizures, now with this it can control the seizures, however it will not eliminate them, you could still have them, and they can become convulsion based seizures so be careful." He said to her while she nodded and he gave her a list of side effects. "Now I am also putting you on a anxiety and depression medication to help with those, and a low dose sleeping med." He started listing off. I was getting nervous, this was a lot of medication. "Your weight is very low though and I would like you to talk to someone if you are struggling with an eating disorder." I saw her eyes bug out of her skull. She did not have an eating disorder, she was always thin and could not keep the weight on, but she really dropped weight after the incident that had happened.

"She doesn't have an eating disorder. She never can keep on weight, and recently there was a situation and she struggled finding food." I told Doctor Morgan, giving him a look that said I would explain it later.

"Ok, in that case I want you drinking this drink called boost every day, twice a day. This should help up your calories; also she needs to have weight checks every week, but only once a week. Do not weigh her more than that, and do not weigh yourself more than that. It is harmful for someone to constantly be checking their weight." He said and we all gave him a weird look. "Mentally harmful." He explained and we nodded.

"Now I know you have been talking to Dean and Sam about once a week and keeping a journal, and you haven't done anything to hurt yourself lately is that correct?" She slowly nodded her head.

"Ok, well then, keep doing this, but the moment that we think it would be better for her to talk to someone else, if you shut down, or you see her starting to shut down, we need to get her with a professional to stop it before it gets out of hand." Dr. Morgan said looking between us all. "Ok, well your done. Whenever you all pass through I want to see her and see how it is going, and I need to at least see her once every 7 months to check how the seizure medication is working, any side effects you call me immediately, even if it seems small. The last thing I need is for her to get sick because her medicine is making her that way." We all nodded and Sam and I got cleared with a clean bill of health, he had suggested that Sam goes on some medicine for depression but he refused as of right now.

[Present]

Hearing all the things that she needed scared the crap out of me, this little girl who I practically raised was indeed made of glass. When she started to wake up I got her medicine ready for her. She had to take her seizure medication in the morning and her anti depressants with her sleeping pills at night. They don't want anything to cancel the other out.

"Good morning." She said while stretching and he smiled while bringing over her medicine. "Aww breakfast in bed, you shouldn't have." She said with a laugh that made me smile.

"Well take this, then a shower, then you have to drink that one drink and we have to do weigh in and we are talking today." I said listing off today's activities to her. When traveling we always had to take a day off once a week because we had a lot to do with her, and she is our number one priority.

She got up and ran to the bathroom while Sam walked back in with the breakfast.

"So what are the plans today."

"Well she has her session with me today and then we are doing all her checks later on, so if you want to go do some research, we are only a couple towns away from the case so if we can get some research out of the way we can just jump right into it." I suggested and Sam nodded.

About 20 minutes later the water turned off and Holland walked out about 15 minutes after that. She was wearing comfy clothing knowing today was going to be a day full of emotions like they always were and she typically had to take a nap at one point cause it is emotionally draining for her. I hate to make her do it, but ultimately it's for the best.

"Lets check your weight to start with." He said while he grabbed the scale from the bag. She gained a few pounds and we each gave her a high-five with a laugh.

"Drink up." She raised her nose at the drink. I thought she was just complaining before, but this shit really tasted like chalk.

"I got you French toast." Sam said to her shaking the box from the diner. She perked up at that.

"Oh thank god!" She said and she grabbed the plate and chowed down. Her appetite had been becoming better and I know she was not to pleased with her clothing getting tighter but we all knew it was for the better. I promised her when she hit the weight she was suppose to be at we would get her a bunch of new clothing. This cheered her up. Even if she was gaining it for health and even though she did not have an eating disorder, she was still human, and that is hard for anyone.

Once she was done with eating Sam packed up and left. Her and I set up the kitchen table. I had a notebook, and she just sat down, got comfortable and had a box of tissues and a bottle of water for her.

Dr. Morgan had sent me a list of questions to ask her every time. How was she feeling, did she feel safe, did she have any urge to hurt herself.

"Ok, now just talk, what do you want to talk about."

"Nothing." She said looking down at her hands and I knew that she wanted to talk about something she did not think I was ok with.

"Come on, what is it?" I asked prying.

"Really its ok." She said passing me her notebook so I could read it.

"No, you need to talk, or we can call the psychiatrist and get you an appointment today." I threaten, it was an empty threat, but I did not need her shutting down. She looked at me with big puppy dog eyes and sighed.

"Its dad." She whispered. I knew that she was having issues with him so I was interested in hearing what she needed to say.

"Ok, what about dad." She hesitated for a moment. "You can say anything, there is no judgment, and this is about you." I said pointing between us. She sat up a little bit. And then she exploded.

"Dad hates me, its obvious, who leaves their daughter alone. Why did he do that to me? Why does he hate me so much? I tried to be the best I could, but he brought out the worst in me. I can't stand thinking that everyday we are putting our lives in danger looking for him? Why cant we just be enough, why couldn't I be enough? Why wasn't I good enough? What did I do wrong?" She said breaking down into tears. This was the first time we talked about dad and I did not realize how damaged she was over this.

"You are always enough. I know you and dad did not get a long great but who cares, he was missing out. He is the one who is not good enough. And when we find him you can show him how strong you are, how strong you are without him." She nodded through her tears. Once I got her calmed down we talked and she took a nap while I read through her journal.

Journal Entry:

Today has been tough, realizing that I am sick and that I am someone who is always going to be needing to take medicines and be careful, knowing there is a chance I may never be able to drive, and knowing I may always being dependent on my brothers and family scares me. I have never felt like more of a burden. I had a nightmare last night that they all wanted me dead, and this scared me. I just want to be a kid, one who fights badass monsters, but I do not want to be sick.

I started to feel numb earlier this week, but then Dean said to me "Tomorrow will come sooner or later" and it was like all the numbness went away. He is here and he is my brother and my protector.

I am starting to get use to Sam, I can see in his eyes that he is sad sometimes that I need Dean to comfort me, or that I talk to Dean and not him. It makes me sad and I want to open up to him, but it's hard, its hard cause I don't know him anymore, but I want to get to know him again.

Well that's it. Dean I know you are reading this, you are doing great. Thank you for being my big brother.

I closed my eyes willing my tears back. It was always hard reading this but I loved her so much and was so happy she was letting me help her. With that I leaned over and kissed her forehead. We have a long way to go, but we will get there. In time, I hope.


End file.
